‘Dear God…I Really Don’t Want To…’

Happy Tuesday to you all!

If you read that title and thought, yep - that’s me! Then I’m sure you’ll relate a lot to my journey towards ‘taboo topics.’

In my previous blog post ‘Welcome!’, I spoke about my experience mentoring two teenage girls, and how difficult topics often came up. When I had observed other leaders or placement students mentoring - it had always been about common topics, such as the book of Acts, or prayer. I felt unequipped, scared, and full of dread when the girls started asking questions far beyond what I had prepared for.

What a blessing hey? Those girls wanted to know more, with curious hearts, they felt confident enough to ask me to teach them, to help them, to guide them. I look back and think thank you Jesus for that gift!

My passion for the topic of pornography is an odd one. I didn’t personally ever have much of an issue with it - thankfully my parents had internet filters on in my childhood home - and so it wasn’t easily accessed for me. This was the biggest blessing, and one I will be implementing into my future home - the internet is a huge, scary, dark place - we should ask ourselves if it is right and honourable to allow our children to access each and every dark corner of it.

Pornography had always been a negative thing to me - one that caused hurt, created rifts, and just pulled us further away from God and His will for our lives. I wanted nothing to do with it.

Then in my first year of Bible college - I had to face it very head-on. It was plaguing someone very close to me, and I felt I had a duty to help them. I was very intertwined in this journey with them, and so when they fell back into it - it tore my heart out. I had so many emotions, but I just felt so angry at pornography. I needed to know why it hurt so many, how it gripped people, and what I could do about it.

The next year, I led a group of women on the topic of pornography, I spoke about the implications it had and what we could be doing as a Church. Then, in my third year, when it came to writing my dissertation - I chose to do it on the topic of pornography. The question I wrote it on was “To what extent should the church prioritise discussions about pornography and its effects on young people in order to better comprehend its significance?” It lit a fire in my belly. I spent 5 months reading, researching, speaking to people and Churches.

I discovered so much, and honestly? Felt sick to my stomach. I read about how the most commonly searched word in porn sites, was ‘youth’. I learnt that 93% of boys have seen porn by the age of 18 - and 63% of them said they were unintentionally exposed to it by the age of 13. How tragic.

However, you know what else I learnt? How hurt people were. How hard it is for those who are stuck in an addictive cycle of pornography. I spoke to people who desperately wanted to be free from their chains, they didn’t know why they couldn’t stop. I spoke to people whose marriages had broken down because of their addiction to pornography. People who were regular Church attendees, who felt let down, condemned and broken. The Church repeated how wrong it is, but then when it came down to the struggles of an individual, the Church ran away - not wanting to engage in the topic, and simply saying one should 'pray it away.’

The Church, ironically, lacks in grace in this area. I have spoken to people who left the Church after admitting their porn addiction, as they were made to feel dirty, flawed and that they didn’t fit in with the ‘clean and pure’ Christians. Oh how far this is from God’s desires.

I watched interviews of pornstars, who wished they’d never stepped foot on set. Who never wanted this life, but were stuck. If we care about social justice in any form, then we care about the pornography industry and the harm it causes.

I wanted to help, and in my position as a youth worker, I felt it my duty to help the young people escape the trap before they became too ensnared.

I had planned the session, written it up - had a game ready. I was sat in the car, waiting to go in. I prayed, “Dear God, I really don’t want to do this.” A simple plea that I wouldn’t have to face such a huge, awkward topic. I think I knew there was no budging now though…God had set my path in motion, and I was to teach on this topic, however uncomfortable and difficult it may be, because if not me - then who? I can answer that actually…the world. The world would teach them that pornography is a ‘normal part of growing up’. It would have taught them that if they want to have good sex in the future, they need to watch pornography to learn how to do it. It would have taught that any insecurities, or struggles, can be soothed with pornography exposure. It would have taught lies, all lies.

I cared about those young people, I wanted to see them seek God fervently as they got older - and so I knew it was my job to teach them about the Biblical approach on pornography. I wanted to take it a step further than the Church. The Church always lacked in the ‘how?’ How do I stop? I understand I need to, but how?

And this is what is included in our new resources ‘Pornography: What Does the Bible Say?’ It includes teachings appropriate to youth level, to help them understand the impact. It includes discussion questions to get them thinking. It includes practical tips to help them break those chains, as well as Biblical truths to enlighten them on the path God has written.

It has been a privilege and a joy to write this resource, I hope it helps you tackle this topic with your young people, and my prayer is that you see the fruit of this through open conversation, and that they get to live a life free from this deadly media.

I have no filter, and what a blessing that is! When I was writing my dissertation, I was speaking about it to a friend across the lunch table, when someone spoke up and said ‘Can we stop talking about this, please? It is not really a lunchtime conversation.’ I saw the Church in that person. Afraid, hidden and embarrassed. A desire for this topic to become unspoken. I replied ‘Well, there’s the issue. Let’s make it a lunchtime conversation.’

That is what I hope to do, to speak this unspoken topic - because if we don’t, the world will. I have become so used to people recoiling in their seats when I bring this topic up, and what a joy it is to be able to challenge these preconceptions. The more you teach on this, the more you realise young people aren’t scared of this topic - in fact they talk about it a lot at school, and not in the fruitful way we may like. Let’s reframe the conversation, and bring them into the light.

God gave us sex, and we have distorted it. The Bible has a very high view of sex and speaks often about it. Why should we be any different? In the resources, you’ll find a section on purity culture and why this has damaged the Church, and caused these topics to go even further under the carpet. Let’s do more to change this. Fancy being a part of this powerful movement? You can find the resources under the taboo topics section. Enjoy!

I have a whole list of resources to come, so this is only the start - but I appreciate your patience and support.

Every Blessing,

Izzy Brown

Founder of AM